High Value Relationships - Definitions

By Jim Cathcart

You've seen a lot from me lately on "High-Value Relationships" and I haven't even warmed up fully yet. The reason is, that phrase gave a new sense of meaning to everything else I've been teaching and writing about over these past 31 years.

• When I look at my books on Relationship Selling, they are not just about people skills, they are about intentionally and consciously creating relationships with positive potential. They are about the intelligent orchestration of your life's relationships to get you closer to your "Desired Outcomes."
• In my psychological research for The Acorn Principle I studied the impact and value of primary relationships and how they make us who we are.
  
• My television show on TSTN.com is titled "The Purpose of Selling", which is: "To build mutually profitable relationships."
  
• As I've become more involved in my community and the country club I belong to, it has become obvious to me that the approach I've taken to the establishment and expansion of High-Value Relationships has been of great value to my reputation and my business as well as my social life.
  
• When I review my calendar to see how I've spent my time over the past few years I see lots of evidence that the conscious and intentional approach to "Relationships as Assets" has led me to some great friendships and many happy moments.
  

Your life is a series of relationships and the more intentional and conscious you are about the formation and development of them, the more likely you will be to reach your goals.

What is Relationship Intelligence (tm)?
It is taking an intelligent approach to the selection, cultivation and maintenance of your connections with others. It means weeding out the relationships that take value away from you and building on those that bring you value. Another way to look at it is; Treating Relationships as Assets. You look at your social circle, business circle, family circle and other key connections with an eye toward your Desired Outcomes (goals.) If a relationship contributes to your advancement or enhances your life you preserve it. If it doesn't then you change it or eliminate it. It is being conscious and intentional about your connections with others. (I'll be repeating this phrase often.)

Isn't that kind of mercenary and uncaring?
Not at all. You do it every day. When you see someone who looks angry, dangerous or scary then you avoid them. If you have to deal with them in order to get what you need then you simply manage the interaction carefully and then move on to people you like to be with. I'm simply suggesting that you take that conscious and intentional approach to a higher level and start applying it to all of your relationships.

What is a High-Value Relationship (HVR)?
A High-Value Relationship is one in which both participants receive substantial benefits.
This could be mutual support, friendship, business referrals, revenue, sales, intellectual stimulation, spiritual inspiration or any number of other benefits. The key is that YOU consider the effects to be valuable and so does the other person. Each person is fully in charge of their own determination of value.

Does it have to be a business relationship?
Certainly not. A marriage is a High-Value Relationship and so is a teacher-student relationship. As long as both parties gain from it.

Why do I need HVRs?
Because relationships are the essence of your life and the more of them that are HVRs the more you will get what you want from life. If all you do is hang out with people who don't care about you and who have no joy then your life will suck. Count on it. So, be intentional in choosing who you invest your energy and time with.

What are the qualities of a HVR?
There are three essential qualities in every high value relationship: 1. both parties are committed to the success of the relationship (it can't be one sided), 2. there must be enough trust for the truth to flow freely, and 3. both of you need to understand what you can expect from the other person. You need clear agreements.

Do relationships have a life expectancy?
Interesting question, yes, relationships have life cycles related to their purpose for existence but many relationships evolve into broader areas and become even more important than originally intended. Likewise, some relationships that started off as vitally important tend to fade over time.

How do I know which relationships to invest in?
You don't usually. So it is best to be optimistic about all your contacts with others. Who knows, the clerk who serves you today may be the son of the business executive who gives you the opportunity of a lifetime tomorrow. Emerson said, "Everyone in some way is my superior, in that I can learn from him." A good attitude to hold.

What gives a relationship its value?
Your Desired Outcome determines the value potential of your relationships. If you want to become the Mayor of your city, many relationships suddenly become important to you. If you want a sale, the potential buyer becomes more important to you. And the degree to which you also can be valuable to the buyer or voter will determine whether there is a relationship or merely a transaction between you.

How can I reasonably treat all my relationships as HVRs?
You can't. So the starting point is your "Inner Circle." This is the 5 to 12 people who you get your major results through at this time. Think about who you work with most closely and rely upon most. These few people represent your "team." If they are championship-level people then you have high capacity for performance. If they don't possess much talent or skill then your success is currently inhibited.
Take a close look at who is in your present Inner Circle and assess what each brings to the party. If you are missing some vital abilities then Go Shopping! Find some people to bring actively into your life and begin to cultivate your relationships with them.

What is a relationship?
Another really good question! You hear a lot of admonitions to build relationships so it is important to define what one is. I believe that a relationship is a connection between people in which value is exchanged. The greater the value they exchange the stronger the relationship tends to be. Value could be encouragement, education, purchasing goods or services, support, love, or collaboration. The participants are the ones who determine the value.

For more on this topic, please explore the posts on my Relationship Intelligence Blog. I'd really enjoy hearing your thoughts on this topic too. Leave me a comment here, drop me an email or give me a call if I can be helpful to you.

In Praise of Rock and Roll & Guitars

By Jim Cathcart

Dan Clanton was my college room mate and best buddy back in 1964-5-6. We met during registration in our freshman year at "Arkansas State Teachers College." Ironically, though neither of us originally intended to ever become a teacher, both of us ended up as trainers and speakers.

An important element in Dan's profile is He Plays Guitar! Even back then, he knew enough to help me learn to play a few songs I enjoyed. I ultimately bought a broken guitar for $1 and later a nice Classical Guitar for $60 and followed Dan's instructions. At that time I was in my late teens through early twenties and music was everywhere! I listened to the radio and played "records" (I know, I'm a relic!) every day.

The Beatles were the big hit and Elvis was still at the top of the charts. Folk music had become big and groups like Peter, Paul & Mary, The Kingston Trio, The Four Preps and The Mommas & Poppas were getting more popular every day. The "British Invasion" of Beatles, Rolling Stones, Dave Clark Five, Gerry & the Pacemakers, The Animals, Herman's Hermits and the Kinks all had hits around that time. (Baby boomers are saying "Man, Yeah!" while GenXers are asking "Who?") Yes, The Who were big also. :-)

I played almost everyday and regularly gathered my friends together for an evening of singing a beginner's version of what was on the radio that day. As you'd expect my skills improved and before long I was performing in clubs and lounges for pay. Not much pay but they gave me an audience and a chance to hone my skills "live and in person!"

For a short while I had a two man group called "The Harper Brothers" (we made up the name) and my partner played an upright Bass while I played guitar and banjo. Three nights a week in beer joints for a net of about $600 a month each. One place paid us $15 each per night plus tips. We didn't care, we were "musicians" and we had an audience.

My goal at the time was a career as a singer/guitarist. I was going to leave Little Rock, Arkansas and move to Nashville, get a day job, take music lessons in the afternoon and play the clubs at night until I got "discovered" and then became famous. Nice plan, but life had other designs for me.

When Paula and I married in 1970 I was playing the lounge at Steak n' Ale restaurant "The Jolly Ox Pub" and during the day I worked as an investment salesman for IDS. Business paid off more than singing so I left the entertainment business for many years and just played and sang at home. And then...

A few years ago, here in Lake Sherwood, California, one of our friends invited us to a "Hot August Night" party at their home and requested that I bring my guitar. :-) Oh, Yeah!
In preparation for the party I got a Neil Diamond songbook and started practicing songs from his Hot August Night album. One song led to another and I ended up playing guitar almost every day. By party time I had a repertoire big enough to keep a crowd singing along for most of the night. My skills were minimal but the parties were great fun. We held a "Guitar Night" at our home and then another. Then a neighbor started hosting them and now it's part of our social calendar about once a quarter. We play in the parlor, on the beach and anywhere we can gather a group.







My son and I both play and we stimulate each other to learn even more. Some good friends have joined in the fun and our social calendar has expanded in very exciting ways.
Naturally, I don't know the more recent music but happily my son knows and loves much of the music from my era. So, he's teaching me guitar techniques now.











Last year I did a speaking engagement for a music company and acquired three high quality guitars (acoustic electric Takamine's and an Ovation Adamas 12 string). Now I'm happily playing for a half hour or more every day. In my office there are two guitars on stands and in our living room is another plus two music stands with stacks of songbooks from my favorite artists.

Why am I telling you this? Because I want you to see the enormous joy it brings to my life and then think about what might bring that kind of joy into your life. It may not be music but whatever it is, it should challenge you to keep on learning, while giving you enormous happiness as you pursue it. Luckily my "hobby" increases my contact with others. Some endeavors tend to isolate you too much for my tastes.

Think about what gives you joy and what you'd like to become much better at doing. Don't wait till you have lots of spare time, just start doing a little of it every day. Put your "tools" in a handy place so it's easy to get started and to stop if other needs arise. Stretch and grow, find some people who can be your teachers and role models. And Rock On!

PS Dan Clanton is now touring with a group of singer/guitarists and has released a recent CD of his own original songs.
PPS I wrote a song about motorcycling back in 1968 and recorded it in 2004. It is on my website. The title is "Riding Free." And I'm even adding a song or two to some of my speeches when appropriate. The first photo in this article is of me on stage at Opryland in Nashville playing in front of 1,000 people at a convention during my keynote speech.